Not So Funny Ben
Status

Humor for people who are over it.

Printable quote cards, phone wallpapers, mini-posters and tees for the professionally tired. Dry, original, and never mean. We punch at meetings, inboxes and bills, never at people.

Get the Survival Pack · $7 Free wallpaper

Instant download. No shipping, no waiting, no small talk.

Phone wallpaper on black that reads: If this phone rings, I’m not here.
Inventory

Three products. Zero meetings required.

Digital downloads arrive instantly by Gumroad. Print at home or keep them on your phone.

Three printable quote cards fanned out on yellow.

The Survival Pack

$7

  • 10 printable quote cards (5×7 in)
  • 10 phone wallpapers
  • 5 mini-posters (8×10 in and A4)
  • 8 bonus stickers
Buy the Survival Pack
A stack of cards, posters and a wallpaper, including a yellow STATUS label design.
Most reasonable decision

The Complete Bundle

$15

  • Everything in the Survival Pack
  • 10 exclusive mini-posters
  • 6 printable greeting cards
  • A second wallpaper collection
Buy the Complete Bundle
Black t-shirt with a yellow STATUS label reading: Barely functioning.

Barely Functioning Collection

$24.99 / tee

  • 3 designs, printed on demand
  • Ink on cream, or cream on black
  • Soft enough to wear to a meeting you resent
Shop the tees
Free

One wallpaper. No commitment. Very on brand.

Get “If this phone rings, I’m not here.” for your lock screen. It sets expectations so you don’t have to.

Get the free wallpaper

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Sample

The humor, roughly.

A few lines from the packs. Every one is written in-house. No recycled memes.

  • Replied “sounds good.” It did not sound good.
  • Status label: INBOX: 2,341. WILL TO REPLY: 0.
  • Attending in spirit. My body declined.
  • Warning label: Small talk may cause sudden departure.
  • Fridge contents: condiments and optimism.
  • Circling back. Looping back. Going home.
About

Hi. I’m Ben. I’m fine.

I have a calendar, an inbox, and a fridge that’s mostly condiments. NotSoFunnyBen is where I write down what everyone is thinking during the third meeting of the morning.

The rules are simple. Keep it dry. Keep it specific. Never mean. We make fun of situations, not people.

Ben (not so funny, but trying)